Sunday, 18 November 2012

Naija Husband and Naija Wife Stereotypes by Tribe


So I have taken a vacation from cooking but not concerning Rantings. Today I received an email from my friend. I thought to myself I got to share this with my on line family. The article is about the stereotypical perception of the Nigerian husband and wife. I found this really funny and 98 per cent true concerning the Urhobo woman, although I LOVE my whiskey I wouldn't say it’s an alcoholic tendencies. Besides, our Urhobo men also share those same tendencies as their women he he he. I do not agree with the critiques of the Urhobo man, as the person who wrote this failed to show many of his strength and focused on 'fales' weakness. However, it is pure entertainment and it had me on the floor, laughing and crying.

 

This article is in no way to insult any tribe so please do not get offended. It is also not meant to annoy anyone, hurt anyone or make any tribe look superior or inferior.

IGBO HUSBAND

Plus

1. He is very loyal

2. He maintains monogamy

3. Could be very yielding/gullible

4. Gives you access to all his assets

5. Follows your advice and directions to the letter

6. Spends money on you for comfort, good looks and happiness

7. Takes care of your kids

Minus

1. Could be very unromantic-Romance is limited to spending money, spending money and spending money

2. May be semi-literate or illiterate.

3. May marry you early and deny you of access to life/youth.

4. More likely to be crude and unrefined

5. Always has a large family to cater to and take care of plus apprentices etc

6. May not be presentable

7. May be horrible in bed and/or sexually illiterate/unwilling to explore.

8. Could be gullible/easy to deceive

YORUBA HUSBAND

Plus

1. Could be very romantic.

2. Could be caring

3. Tries to maintain leadership in the home.

4. Disciplines kids well

5. More white-collar career inclined

6. Literacy level is usually high

Minus

1. More likely to philander

2. More likely to eventually marry another wife

3. More likely to marry you for your money/connections.

4. Could be highly assertive.

5. Most times you would take care of yourself after a while.

6. You may eventually separate with nothing to show for it.

7. Family members may be given priority.

EDO HUSBAND

Plus

1. Believes in marriage

2. Takes care of you and your needs.

Minus

1. May end up not taking full care of the kids

2. Could be very harsh

3. Does not take any nonsense

4. You may end up taking care of him

5. You cant cheat on him.

URHOBO MAN

Plus

1. Believes in marriage

2. Takes care of you and your needs.

Minus

1. You may end up taking care of him

2. You cant cheat on him.

EFIK MAN

Plus

1. Will effectively take care of the culinary activities in your absence.

2. Is usually very religious

3. Hardworking

4. Good in bed

5. Quite organised and clean.

Minus

1. Be prepared to have 12 kids

2. Your cooking may not be good enough

3. He will either be very ugly or very handsome. no line between. He will also either be very short or very tall. Same with your kids

4. Prepare to have a husband like 25 years older than you in his fifties.

HAUSA MAN

Plus

1. Hardly believes in premarital sex.

2. Very religious

3. Takes care of you

Minus

1. You may be wife number 4

2. You may be wife number 4 at 14

3. You have absolutely no say in anything, anywhere and anytime.

4. If he passes away, you may be transferred to another family.

Different kinds of Nigerian wives

URHOBO WIFE

Plus

1 always loyal/faithfully( cheating is outright abomination)

2 very hardworking and self reliant

3 very good cook(banga soup,owo,peppersoup ,sea food specials

4 can persevere even in poverty conditions

5 accommodating if a second wife shows up

6 what u see is what u get kind of attitude

7 would lay down their life for their children


8 Tolerates in-laws


MINUS

1 argumentative

2 stubborn

3 alcoholic tendencies

4 some level of gra- gra
5 very very very vocal


6 She respects you with serious warning.

7 Very sharp and wise to take action.



YORUBA WIFE

Plus

1. Very respectful to husband

2. Very respectful to in-laws

3. Most times educated

4. Yielding and submissive

5. Likes sex.

Minus

1. Would most likely have had one kid for another man before you and after you.

2. Will most likely cheat at 65% with one Uncle or Oga at office.

3. Possibly give you another man's kid in between your kids

4. Tells her mother or sisters or friends everything.

5. May jazz you up.

6. Will fill you with pepper, palm oil, assorted and amala.

7. Probably will marry another man even if you split at 60 years of age.

8. If she makes more money than you, or you make less her, the uncles will finally start to drop her off in front of the house with a peck.

IGBO WIFE

Plus

1. Loyal to her husband

2. Gives kids good nourishing food with vegetables and many spices.

3. Is very clean.

4. Is ready to fight anybody alongside her husband and break their head or even fight while the husband watches.

5. Even if her husband leaves her at 30, she has only a 3% chance of remarrying after kids.

Minus

1. Very disrespectful to everyone including you.

2. After breaking the neighbours' head will one day break yours.

3. Only regards you as a man if you have money.

4. Views love as spending power.

5. May not really love you but will marry you because you are ready and her real lover isn't.

6. Will spend every dime of yours without touching hers

7. Does not tolerate your in laws and disrespects them.

8. May stop shagging you after 35.

9. If she makes more money than you, or you make less her, she will become VERY in submissive and her family will finally remember what a useless in-law you are.

10. When there is a fight, her brothers will come and join to break your head.

EDO WIFE

Plus

1. Cannot cheat on you

2. Can also cook good food.

3. Looks after kids and you.

4. Very respectful

5. Most times well endowed.

6. Very thrifty

7. Always has one brother or sister in Europe to bail you out in hard times.

8. Does not leave you even if you are semi-dead, quarter dead or dead.

9. If she makes more money than you, or you make less her, she remains loyal but after building 10 houses you have no idea about.

Minus

1. May have signed your death day the day you were married.

2. You have a 98.75% chance of dying before her.

3. Eventually you die and she becomes the landlady.

4. Or she may have built her own house while you guys were still staying in a room and parlour without you knowing.

5. May have done runs before you got married.

HAUSA WIFE

Plus

1. Everything good.

Minus

1. If you are not a Muslim, no chance.

2. You may eventually have to show her were the promised land is.

3. Even when you do, it must be in the dark.

EFIK WIFE

Plus

1. She will load you with so much good food that every other thing is poison

2. She will also f.... your brains out.

3. Also loyal and respectful but will also break your head if you misbehave.

4. Very clean.

Minus

1. She will f.... your brains out finally.

2. She will either be very slim, have an extremely large arse or be very short.

3. You will share shaving stick as she may have facial and chest hair.

4. Even if you wanna leave her, the f**king and feeding will keep you coming back for more.











Copyright©2012 Cookingncleaning. All rights reserved. All material appearing on this website is owned by Cookingncleaning also affiliated by blogger Dirty Dishes Dirty Rantings. Persons accessing this blog are authorised to view materials only. References are allowed on other bloggers or non blogging sites, providing you make reference to Cookingncleaning under blogger Dirty Dishes Dirty Rantings


5 comments:

  1. Hahahahahahahhahahahhahahahhah i laugh piss for body

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is funny. I've heard about Urhobo and thier food. Judging from this blog it looks great. Seems I should get rid of mg Yourba girl as all she really does is cook oil and pepper.

    ReplyDelete
  3. lol i laughed so hard..thank God my tribe no dey there, lol.

    ReplyDelete
  4. nigerian wedding in london
    Hi, The topic that you have discussed in the post is really amazing, I think now I have a strong hold over the topic after going through the post. I will surely come back for more information.

    ReplyDelete
  5. oh wow!! this is so true about som tribes..but i cant even lie, u got d ibo wife minus SO wrong..dey are not even dat bad at all. Most tymz dey are quiet except pushd to d wall, dats wen u knw dey are powerful! the worst are d yorubas. an ibo wife to luvs to shag, and cooks great too..dem get plenty recipe!! but lol mehn! u right on other thngz..

    ReplyDelete